There are times when you don’t belong
There are people who go through their entire lives feeling like misfits.
Like an actor trying to play his part, faltering, forgetting his lines.
Not fitting in – not knowing what to say.
They look around at everyone not knowing how to be a part of the party that is life!
Playing their role with consummate ease, fooling everyone around.
While they look at themselves from outside, observing themselves. Sneering at themselves.
Going through the motions – not unhappy, not happy.
Wishing that they could disappear
Not knowing what they want – not wanting anything
Feeling that they should want something.
Feeling that they were capable but wanting to be so much more than just capable
Wanting to be extraordinary – and if not, then wasting away
Waiting for the moment of truth to crystallize, for something to change
For something to fall in place, for the pieces to come together
Feeling fragile yet so tough. Much like a spider’s web
So delicate yet strong.
They become so good at not reflecting
Of getting immersed in the welcome mundaness everyday life
Adept at not looking life in the face
Sometimes days go without them thinking of any such thing
Without being constantly aware of their truth
Of their coldness they hide deep, deep within
A bitterness at not being what they desire
Not being great, not having that one thing
That one thing that made them different from everyone
Comfortably and blissfully numb
Amber Azam
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